The vacation is over and so am I...

Men reading fashion magazines
Oh what a world
It seems we live in
Straight man
Oh what a world
We live in

Why am I always on a plane or a fast train
Oh what a world my parents gave me
Always
traveling' but not in love

Still I think I'm doin' fine
Wouldn't it be a lovely headline
Life is
Beautiful on a New York Times

Men reading fashion magazines
Oh what a world
It seems we live in
Straight man
Oh what a world
We live in

Why am I always on a plane or a fast train
Oh what a world my parents gave me
Always
Travelin' but not in love

Still I think I'm doin' fine
Wouldn't it be a lovely headline
Life is
Beautiful on a New York Times
Oh what a world
We live in

Why am I always on a plane or a fast train
Oh what a world my parents gave me
Always
Travelin' but not in love

Still I think I'm doin' fine
Wouldn't it be a lovely headline
Life is
Beautiful

My vacation in a nutshell (There is too much to write, so I will try to summarize it - sorry guys)

Portland - summed up, great people, beautiful architecture, I met some good guys there and may have made a lifelong friend in the process. It was great. The coast line is beautiful driving down, nothing but rolling hills, yellowed grasses, Shasta Mountain was exquisite. We ate at a great italian restaurant, wish I could remember the name, but it's some of the best chow I've had in a while. The city itself, has an industrial/commerical feel to it, I'm assuming because of the industries surrounding it's history. People are laid back and unique, the streets are clean, too many homeless people though. I don't think I could ever live there, I'm an avid biker and I think there is way too much noise pollution and people. Would I go back yeah, fuck yeah! Silveradooooooooooo.


San Francisco - After driving for about 10 hours we arrive, headed towards the bay bridge, cruising along with 10 lanes of traffic. The city is so intimidating from the outside, but once you arrive, wow, stunning buildings that climb into the sky, friendly (sometimes smelly), and easy to use city. I was quite impressed. I don't think it's possible to take a bad picture of San Francisco. The gay scene is pretty bad but very friendly, and great dancing music. My friend Rico and I were too picky to hook up with anyone but we had a much better time hitting the 24 hour diner in the Castro area. We had a great laugh there. Take aways, driving around San Fran, hula hooping in the park, and doing the National Lampoons tour of the art gallary haha, such great work and photography there, I think it really inspired me. I like the fact Rico and I are such independant guys, ever place we visited, we were really outgoing and made lots of friends. It's cool, I'm so glad we can travel and not have hang ups.

Santa Cruz/The Farm - Rico's family was amazing and very friendly. We hike 3 miles one day to see elephant seals, lived on a beautiful and photogenic farm, hike a mountain or two, did visits to the local towns, had a nice dinner out. It was absolutely perfect (maybe the best part of the trip). At night, peace, quiet, no light pollution, only the sound of the ocean and the traces of some other life (the native Indians). The energy was very noticeable and gripping.

Highway one - What can I say? Lots of turns, curves, loops, hills...LOL, it makes it a pretty strenuous drive, but at the same time the coast line is amazing. The ocean goes on forever, lighthouses, small towns, farmland. And, to top it off the most incredible streaches of forests ever known to man. The redwords were awe inspiring, and I even became a little emotional after seeing them. One of the last strains of pure and natural beauty. Driving through the redword forests while the sun was disappearing really did a number on me. I kept thinking, this is one the last places I can go to find nature beauty in the world. This is one of the last places that man hasn't destroyed. The trees were so immense, so powerful, you could feel the spiritual force of nature there. Driving through, I was both smiling, sad, in awe, and I may have even shed a tear or two. I want to go back and camp there at some point, set up a tent, and just hike through the acres and acres of forest.

I think we took around 450 pictures, which I have to sift through tonight. I have some great art work coming up, some great pictures I want to frame for my apartment. I am getting quite good at using my camera, I'm very happy with it.

Back to Vancouver...this will take a little more time, and is more meaningful in a sense. Well, I want to write a lot, but I have to tone it down. Friday night my friends and I head out, and I am introduced to a guy who will remain nameless. To be honest, after the introduction and hearing him talk I was kind of entranced. I couldn't believe how hot this guy was turning out to be. But I thought, no, he's out of my league, he's clearly not interested. That night, I met the wrong guy.

We head to BOO the next night, my friend Rico, and his friend Rocco. Who I find very attractive, but...hehe, don't ask. We head to BOO, get a bit of make up applied for our Halloween costume (red masks and sparkling beads around my eye area), and start dancing. I find some stuff, and start feeling even better. I flirt heavily with Rocco, I see a guy from Portland who I have taken a liking too and have meet twice in my travels, and a few other guys are there who are flirting shamelessly...but...the guy from Fountain Head is at BOO! He comes up to me and says hello, and to be honest I'm a little taken aback but after a short conversation I get the impression that he is interested. So I move in for the kill, and I hug and kiss him. I have to let him know, I can't let him think I'm not interested. He turns out to be an incredible kisser, with a great smile, handsome voice, sexy body.

Needless to say it was a great night, and I met a lot of people, but when home with the right person. He has an amazing soul. A beautiful outlook. A sensitive yet masculine guy who gets the bigger picture. I was quite impressed and sad to leave on Sunday. It's not everyday you connect with someone and really feel like he could be someone you could build something with. Ok ok, I'm ranting. I'm happy. I'm relaxed. I love life. I'm thankful. Enough said.

A readers question

Anonymous said...

Why do gay man feel more of a need for instant gratification than those in the straight world seem to do?

Oh gawd, my first question comes from a gay dude, great way to wave the flag. I have a question, why is it that because your gay, you have to shove it down everyone's throat? Geeze, really...couldn't you think of something a little more creative to ask? Anyway Bob, here goes:

In response to the question (gag), I don't think it's just gay men, but all men. You have to remember that in a straight relationship, there is another party involved, a women. Women tend to have higher morals, are more judgemental, and uptight about sex, it would never work. If a woman was more mentally indifferent and sexually unrestrainted, and if the act of instant gratification and open relationships were more widely accepted in the straight world, maybe there would be a greater number of practicing sluts.

I don't think gay men differ from straight men in terms of sexual exploits, but if there are differences I would relate it totally to environment and conditioning. Sex is pushed more, and used as both an anti-depressant, ego booster, and ice breaker in the gay community, therefore much more of a focus. Hopefully one day, when our social systems more readily accept us, it may change.

Until then, get a hobby :)

Read my damn blog

I'm going to try to sum myself up in as few sentences as possible without sickening myself with the grandiose thoughts running through my mind. So here goes:

I'm a five foot six, gay, attractive, in shape guy that happens to be happy and single. I ride bicycle, read books, and work out, blah blah blah, and seriously I don't give a shit about most of the people in this fucking world because a) they don't deserve it; b) it's not about me; and c) what's the point?

Lets address the issue of being single for a minute. I think I know why, it's because I really haven't found too many people in my life that wouldn't annoy me to no end if we were in fact going to start a relationship. NO, I am not perfect, but claim to be. I just really can't see myself with just anyone, sorry, did that before and can't do it again. And, now please guys don't be offended, don't be all like "who does this bitch think she is?". No worries, I'm just a just a guy with standards who doesn't feel the need to settle because there are infrequent bouts of loneliness that every one feels from time to time. Who knows, maybe I'm single because I'm secretly crazy...But I haven't came to the realization yet...naw, it's all about settling. And remember girls, men are pigs...Hell they'd even have sex with one if it felt good. Monogamy is the word of the day.

So, my work. Yes I do, and no thanks I'd prefer not to have another. I am a computer programmer to sum it up. Ummm, but if I really explained my job to you, your eyes would probably cross together in less than a minute, and you would convulse after about five minutes of indebt discussion. Yeah for me, I've entered a profession in which a small percentage of people in the world could actually have an intelligible conversation in relation to my knowledge.

Writing is like sex....

Writing is like sex. First you do it for love, then you do it for your friends, and then you do it for money.

-- Virginia Woolfe

Do you really have sex for love at first? LOL. This is not what I am accustomed too. I thought sex was done for other reasons like the need for human companionship, or in some cases the need to get off, the basic building blocks of any good ape, is the raw desire to just pound some other ape and get off. Than again, I'm not an ape, and hopefully I can distinguish myself from these internal desires that should have been breed out of our species a long time ago.

My idea of a fairy tale romance, sex with the person I love - well, I am not sure if that will ever be played out now. Sex is an ice breaker in the gay community. It is expected to occur almost immediately and it also is the basis of any lasting gay friendship....to make friends you must put out!!! Sad in a way. I have been down that road, and I can honestly say I have made some great friends now!!! But, I don't think I would ever enterain the idea of sleeping around in the future only if I am in a different city. I have built up some morals and ideals and I tend to stick to them. When your young and unenciteful you tend to conform a little easier.

It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses.

-- Daphne Fielding, The Duchess of Jermyn Street

I can come across as being judgmental at times towards my family, my brothers….and with good reason. Although no matter how much I could criticize, I’m the guy you’ll see at the world strung up on God knows what, with my shirt off, randomly meeting people for a good time. In other words, I’m a big time hypocrite, slut, fool, prick...you name it, I'll agree. But than again, maybe I’m just desperate, nice, or I just want to have a really fun time with no strings attached….or maybe 3.5 years in Victoria has lead me to break loose every chance I get because I’m practically invisible over here. The gay community in Victoria is quite strange. Other cities welcome me with open pants….I mean hearts.

There is nothing wrong with going to bed with someone of your own sex. People should be very free with sex; they should draw the line at goats.

-- Elton John

Anyway, I’m just ranting…it’s the rain I swear. It’s the four + months without television – which I feel no loss for. Maybe I should just say fuck it and buy a goat…..

The universe is the bride of the soul

The universe is the bride of the soul. All private sympathy is partial. Two human beings are like globes, which can touch only in a point, and, whilst they remain in contact, all other points of each of the spheres are inert; their turn must also come, and the longer a particular union lasts, the more energy of appetency the parts not in union acquire.

Monday, the beginning of a new week – work is now the epicenter of my existence for the next five days. Is it an existence though? Is this what was intended of us? To glide through our existence only to find that our efforts, our manifests created, merely pale in comparison to the universe as a whole. Emerson put it best:

“If I have described life as a flux of moods, I must now add, that there is that in us which changes not, and which ranks all sensations and states of mind. The consciousness in each man is a sliding scale, which identifies him now with the First Cause, and now with the flesh of his body; life above life, in infinite degrees. The sentiment from which it sprung determines the dignity of any deed, and the question ever is, not, what you have done or forborne, but, at whose command you have done or forborne it.”

No doubt analyzing the very nature of human cruelty, to be here whilst we are empty to the things we cannot see. We cannot grasp – only the here and now – due to a lack of time, a lack of spiritual growth, and a lack of opportunity. I do not question anymore, although I have much to question, many things to relish on, I have to let go or be consumed with the energies, struggles, and missed opportunities of others. I cannot for it will do nothing but hinder me.

“Man lives by pulses; our organic movements are such; and the chemical and ethereal agents are undulatory and alternate; and the mind goes antagonizing on, and never prospers but by fits. We thrive by casualties. Our chief experiences have been casual.”

Monday, the end of an old week. I’m looking forward to the potential, I’m avaricious towards new freedoms, highlights, and occurrence. I’m itinerant in three weeks; down the coast of Oregon to Portland, and than to San Francisco, California. It should be a marvelous understanding, and myself being a virgin to the workings of the NW Coast of the United States am already far to energized to put this into words. According to Emerson once again – for some reason I’m reading him today, --life is made up of the two elements, power and form…although invariably I think there is a much larger schematic involved than just these two constants. Form and Power. Although he was a novelist in the late 1800’s I can say that life is much more diverse that these two trivial notions. Life is what you make it, it’s comprised of nothing only what the individual warrants as being important and useful. Life is inevitably life….

The Dark Side of Genius

If there is anything that can be said about dreams and longings, it is that they…are hard to express. It is difficult transmit into words the oddness of an image, the comic-grotesque distortions of inner time and space, the weird amalgams of feeling that leave people perhaps a little more aware of their deepest responses to life and a little more unsure of the artifice with which they so often cover themselves.

-- The Dark Side of Genius

Are we so deprived as individuals or more blind to the things around us that we no longer understand the simplicity of this world? Being deprived is a normal response I think, because we all want more. Its human nature to be curious, to want to explore, to yearn for the best we can possibly achieve…not in all cases though. I have been talking to my sister, who thinks that life should be much more complex and interactive than what she is experiencing everyday now. She has a child, but doesn’t comprehend the fact that single mom’s with deadbeat dads have no lives. The majority of people in the world are subjected to working, eating, daily chores, and than to bed…only to wake and experience the same loop again for weeks until the breaking point, which maybe a vacation, or a change in ones life is the need is desperate enough.

The constant loop - if it were a programming loop, right away we would have to eliminate it, because loops freeze up systems, drain resources, or well as simply put they never end. Life isn’t a program, yet there are similarities and unfortunately we do not question our own loops. Human’s tend to just accept defeat rather easily. Loops have various commands depending on the language you choose to use, some examples are “next”, “random”, “skip”, “while”, “iterate”, and “prev” to name a few. If you were say stuck on a particular rut in your life…you could simply select the “next” element, or “skip” elements until you find the one you desire, “while” passing through the needless data. Would we be anymore aware if we could shape our own destinies? I think we need that hardship, that rut every once in a while to spur the motivation to want more; to drive yourself further than you ever expected.

Philosophy has no immediate influence on the great majority of mankind; it interests only a small number even of the thin upper stratum of intellectuals. While all the rest find it beyond them. As quoting my sister "Why are you talking about weird stuff?" lol. What a Dolt! In essence, I should just talk about my sexual encounters, trips, and drunken ordeals, that's all anyway really wants to read....

Happiness

Happiness is something final and complete in itself, as being the aim and end of all practical activities whatever…. Happiness then we define as the active exercise of the mind in conformity with perfect goodness or virtue.

- Aristotle

Wit is educated insolence.

I no longer want to walk on worn soles (Friedrich Nietzsche) so as of today - because of the sensitivity of solitude appropriate to the rain; due to relinquishing television; due to existing unaccompanied as a spiritual being….I NEED NEW SHOES!

The rain can be a very gratifying experience. I remember times spent in Tofino, with the rain just persistently falling for three or four days, and being wrapped in the arms of an additional, it was a very quixotic experience. In Newfoundland, the rain comes down hard, it bellows down as if the sky was waiting to explode and all you see is the might of the fall, the flow, it’s so powerful like every other weather experience on that secluded little island. I miss walking outside and immediately being drenched with water, there is nothing like that in Victoria sad to say, the rain is slow like the people and the culture, it creeps up on you and before you know it, you slowly start taking in water.

I’m an idealist: I don’t know where I’m going, but I’m on my way.

-Carl Sandburg

"Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality."

"One should as a rule respect public opinion in so far as is necessary to avoid starvation and to keep out of prison, but anything that goes beyond this is voluntary submission to an unnecessary tyranny, and is likely to interfere with happiness in all kinds of ways."

-- Bertrand Russell, Conquest of Happiness

I am no doubt analyzing the very nature of human cruelty, to be here whilst we are empty to the things we cannot see. We cannot grasp – only the here and now – due to a lack of time, a lack of spiritual growth, and a lack of opportunity. I do not question anymore, although I have much to question, many things to relish on, I have to let go or be consumed with the energies, struggles, and missed opportunities of others. I cannot for it will do nothing but hinder me.

“Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was twice married, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths."

Life is inevitably life….

I think I have found the path of least resistance. Total and utter submission, lacking daily questioning of life, lacking the vigor of wanting and striving to over achieve, it’s the inane ability (or disability) to just accept. I have found numerous ways of now being spiritual – another word for blanking out your mind of the world around you.

"The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as not to seem worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it."