Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Friday, February 16, 2007

You're dead to me


I have had my first taste of gay drama! Oh God, how I loath the word drama. I want to give you two sides of the story, and then, you can form whichever opinion you want.
How I loath the word drama. So many people use it. Drama! I associated the word with really bad pop music and the gay culture. Everyone is screwing everyone else over, and in our culture, it can be taken literally and metaphorically. I am in one of the most competitive sub-cultures out there.

My roommate Sandy, who I think is a complete a-hole, is hanging out with my on Valentine’s Day. We’re having some wine and I proceed to point out a guy on my MSN that I am talking to. He leans in, takes a look at the picture, mentions he’s cute and then goes in his room for a bit.

An hour later, Sandy reappears telling me that he’s know this guy for a few days, but he didn’t want to say anything, and that the guy proposed sex, and blah blah blah. In other words, Sandy wanted me to stay away from him. So fair enough, he lied about knowing him…

The next day I decide to talk to my online buddy and I mentioned that he knows my roommate. Now, I get a completely different story. He tells me Sandy added him the night before – the night I point him out – and that Sandy tells him that he got his MSN from my computer.

To make the story even worse, Sandy is the guy who asks him for sex, and he even goes so far as to point out the fact that he is better looking then I am. All the while, I am sitting in my room… I had no idea someone could do something so devious. And, he even has the gull to come back to my room and make up a story, lie to me, and expect me to believe it. I’m not a stupid guy…

The first thing I want to talk about is who is better looking…haha. I have to. I can’t help it. I have been with a lot of hot guys, in fact, some of them – including my ex’s – have gotten to meet Sandy, and they find him gross. He’s a hairless, fake tanned, overly feminine Toronto boy with a nasty attitude. I think you get the picture…

Secondly, I was warned about Sandy. I have caught Sandy talking behind my back, telling people that I was after ‘his men’ and was talking to people online that he was interested in. From a psychological point of view, he is projecting. The only men I have seen this guy with were people I have already had dealings with. There is no competition; we are two completely different people. He’s gross, man.

Third, my gut feeling tells me to believe the guy online. He has no reason to lie, and judging from my past encounters with my roommate, I think there are a lot of issues he has to work out. He’s talked about me, he’s lied to me, and I have caught him lying to other people as well.

I was so angry yesterday. I yelled at him, slammed a door, and he hasn’t been back sense. I know he’s guilty and now we need to have a talk about how people should respect their roommates. I have been nothing but good. Seriously! But now, it’s over. He will see how I am with people I dislike. I want him out. I want the energy in my home to return to normal, because it’s dirty and depressing right now with this leach around.
I have heard the word Drama about 40 times this week. I think I'm going to pretend to like women for now on...

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Wayfaring Stranger


Bricks, originally uploaded by copeseticnature.

I am a poor wayfaring stranger
A-traveling thru this world below
But there's no sickness, toil, or danger
In that bright land to which I go
I'm going there to see my Father
I'm going there no more to roam
I'm just a-going over Jordan
I'm just a-going over home

I am a poor wayfaring stranger
A-traveling thru this world below
But there's no sickness, toil, or danger
In that bright land to which I go
I'm going there to see my mother
She said she'd meet me when I come
I'm just a-going over Jordan
I'm just a-going over home
I'm just a-going over home

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

We get no second chance in this life


It’s Valentine’s Day.

My car has starter issues and I had to ask a friend of mine, who I have known for four years, to bring me home from work. I work with him and know his wife also. It seems like he has seen my life progress since I have arrived in Victoria.

Yesterday he told me he’s getting a divorce. Everything in his life, for the past seven years, has been a lie. They are both at this cross roads where neither of them knows who they are…We talk about this on the twenty five minute drive home and on the drive to work today.

What can I say? We’re all trying to figure it out. It’s a shock to see a couple, who I assumed to be solid, dissipate. Now they will have to explore the world again, fresh eyes, new intentions, and, it could be exciting or it could be the thing that brings them back to one another.

It’s not uncommon to divorce and share custody of a child. I am not worried at all, because I too am a product of a home that split apart, and fortunately back together again after a few years.

Its life, you know? We’re all just trying to figure it out. Sometimes people reach an age where they start questioning their existence, combined with the onslaught of issues of the future: the global economy, global warming, population increases, and the world of greed. I am bringing it up because it’s the same things we talked about yesterday. The world is dying and it’s changing the way we view our lives.

I know most people think we’ll be ok, but in twenty years when we start hitting the reserves, it won’t be. I won’t bother investing in real estate and I would think twice about RRSPs; I think you should start thinking about how to survive, maybe take a few courses on self-survival.

I think we need to start learning how to grow organic foods (crops), learning how to live off the hand, learn how to be human again, learn how to build shelters and heal ailments.

I don’t want to mix doomsday with Valentine’s Day but they are related. Flowers are being shipped all around the world this week for spouses, girlfriends, even boyfriends; this is done by plane and this contributes to our world problems.

If someone asks why you didn’t buy them flowers this holiday tell them you no longer want to contribute to the world’s destruction. Start talking about it. You have to. Time is running out friends.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

Lazy


“I know why he’s not standing... he’s lazy!”, my instructor spells it out to me, 45 minutes into the class, after I have did everything in my power to please her.
Not only did she call me lazy, she does so in front of twenty other people, half of which will never try this class again. I turn red; I am embarassed, but I direct all the negative energy towards my legs, towards the bike, and use it as fuel.

“I was spinning four times last weekend! I’m not lazy,” as I stand up one last time to do the last five minutes of class.
My legs are sore, in pain, it’s not because I’m lazy. In fact, I was pushing the hardest in this class. I am sweating the most. I have put a hundred and ten percent into this class, and what? I’m fucking lazy.

It’s good to be motivated. And, yeah, I made the mistake of asking this crazy, pregnant lady to push me when she sees me slacking off. It’s totally my fault.

I push my towel over the tension on the bike so she can no longer keep tabs on me and my eyes go to the floor. I’m infuriated and want to prove to her that I can do it.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Selfish Pricks


The day breaks and everything is new…

I want a hybrid so I can scowl at people driving their SUVs and 4x4 trucks. I even feel like rolling down my window and giving them the finger while screaming "Wake up you retarded assholes!". I'm even tempted to spit at them. I need to do something, my conscience is giving me a hard time as of late.
The glaciers are retreating; even George Bush is starting to push for environmental changes, yet still the number of selfish people in the world increases. The temperature of the world is increasing, evasive species are now making a come back because of shorter seasons and climate change, diseases that were once controller (West Nile, Bird Flu, etc) will become more and more common. Where do we draw the line? When does it stop? When is enough, enough?

When I was in Calgary with Christa, I think back to dinner on night; I watched her open can after can and then proceed to throw everything I consider recyclable into the garbage. I was shocked. I mean, I recycle everything, including the more menial things, and as I watch the garbage fill up with waste, I ask her if she has a recycling program in Calgary.

“Yeah we do, but it’s a lot of effort…” she responds already visibly pissed.

She considers me a hippie. I am Green because I acknowledge the fact that our world will be destroyed if we don’t take action. I am because I attend green rallies and drive an energy efficient car, I hang my clothes to dry, I recycle, I am generally concerned and very passionate about the world I live in.

Driving to work today I look at all the vehicles around me. Gas guzzling machines with owners who choose to buy these beasts because they are selfish. Do you need a 4x4 truck in Victoria BC? To what, pick up groceries? I question their motives.

Why on Earth would anyone throw things you can recycle into the garbage when we have a recycling program that picks everything up at your doorstep once every two weeks? We have landfill after landfill filled with things that will never biodegrade. We could build an entire city over these wasted pieces of land.

There is this quest for adulthood in today’s society. We are measured by what we own, how we dress, how much real estate we own, and of course the size of our pocket book is very important. I think we are moving in the wrong direction. I can’t believe how people who are engrossed in the media and commercialism could be converted so easily.
So I have all these questions; I have all these problems with the world we live in. And, if I voice them I am judged, for the most part, unless I can find people on the same page. They should be the first to go. I want them eaten up by deadly flu viruses, and I want their bodies thrown into landfill next to all the products they refused to recycle, and in the end, I want the world rid of these diseased minds.
Grow up people. It's happening.