Sometimes you have to lose everything before you realize what is important. I’m thinking about that now, about how I did lose something so close to me, so comfortable, and now after exhausting myself emotionally and mentally, I get it.
I see my faults. The things I didn’t do right, or the thoughts that I had that were unwholesome and never talked about. I see my shortcomings and I am happy to oblige each and everyone of them. I mean, what’s the point of being human otherwise?
I talked to my ex today. I miss him and I want him to know that I would do anything to have him in my life again. We aren't exactly talking but I know he's there for me and vis-versa. It goes both ways.
I tear up thinking about it. I’m one of those people who are so hard on the outside, but deep down inside, I am as human as anyone else.
I had became what I always hated. All the things I judge, I became. If you want the truth of it, I became that way because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the short period of time I have left – although there is probably is more – and I have been afraid of losing out on an experience or something that could change my life entirely. I try to do, see, experience, and feel as much as possible. I don’t think it will ever be enough and I have to accept it.
I am reminded of the time when I read Tuesdays With Morrie. It’s about an older gentlemen who gets Lou Gehrig’s disease and looks back on his life. A great book although I read it and ridiculed the story the whole way through until the end when he passed. I then cried through the last chapter or so.
Morrie was ok with it ending because he had no regrets. He lived a fulfilled life. He said what he felt, he did what he felt and because of that he had an enriched life surrounded by people who loved him.
The book made me think about whether or not I would react the same way - with no remorse. I feel as if I’d be clawing my way out of the grave. But I'm working on it...
I should have given you a reason to stay.
I see my faults. The things I didn’t do right, or the thoughts that I had that were unwholesome and never talked about. I see my shortcomings and I am happy to oblige each and everyone of them. I mean, what’s the point of being human otherwise?
I talked to my ex today. I miss him and I want him to know that I would do anything to have him in my life again. We aren't exactly talking but I know he's there for me and vis-versa. It goes both ways.
I tear up thinking about it. I’m one of those people who are so hard on the outside, but deep down inside, I am as human as anyone else.
I had became what I always hated. All the things I judge, I became. If you want the truth of it, I became that way because I’m afraid. I’m afraid of the short period of time I have left – although there is probably is more – and I have been afraid of losing out on an experience or something that could change my life entirely. I try to do, see, experience, and feel as much as possible. I don’t think it will ever be enough and I have to accept it.
I am reminded of the time when I read Tuesdays With Morrie. It’s about an older gentlemen who gets Lou Gehrig’s disease and looks back on his life. A great book although I read it and ridiculed the story the whole way through until the end when he passed. I then cried through the last chapter or so.
Morrie was ok with it ending because he had no regrets. He lived a fulfilled life. He said what he felt, he did what he felt and because of that he had an enriched life surrounded by people who loved him.
The book made me think about whether or not I would react the same way - with no remorse. I feel as if I’d be clawing my way out of the grave. But I'm working on it...
I should have given you a reason to stay.
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