Thursday, April 17, 2008

The Beach


I’ve taken to going to the beach, surrounded by the like minded with my headphones on, blasting out the noise, the conversations of the people around me. I can’t take listening to ‘them’ anymore; the conversations about nothing, the expressions of want, the gossip, the internalized hatred so many have.

The things I hear are nothing but the ego making itself apparent. The point is proven with every new muse I find, and for that, I understand. I’ve battled with my ego all my life. I know the constant struggle.

I’m not inspired by people anymore; it’s been a while since my peers could do anything but become filler in my past time, or reinforce my need to separate myself from all this damage.

I don’t mean to be raw or harsh, or even superior about it all, but I don’t know, I just don’t feel many connections, or if I do, it derogates into these failures, into people I no longer understand or care to learn from. When I dig deeper, I tend to see too much and then become disappointed.
So yes, human understanding; I understand them plenty. But unfortunately it's viewed through the eyes of a cynic.

I think it’s me getting older. I mean, the older I get, and the more I feel that I need a break. I just need to throw myself into a tank where no stimuli could enter. I could feed off of my thoughts, and sooner or later, just have the nothingness I so long to feel, around me.

I said this in my previous post, but the whole world has been brainwashed by accomplishment. They all want the ‘six figure income’ and the promises of a lifestyle that the illusionary masses have. It’s not my world…

In the distance I can see a ship. There are crates upon crates of cargo containing all the useless things we consume. The ship, wow, it’s a’ long one. I’d say about 10 stories or so in apartment speak. I can’t tell you the furlongs, or whichever way boats are measured for that knowledge is lost to the common man.

The lower part of the ship has a large, light blue strop running parallel to an identical strip of red. The two lines of color span the entire length of the ship. I guess it’s to separate it from people who actually have some history with this vessel, an identifier.

The background… Oh it’s such a beautiful place to life. In the background I see snow capped mountains. I see the Olympic Mountains in all their glory. I see the wall that separates one city from another. I see myself on them at times, watching the view while huddling next to a light fire. There’s beauty in this country. I mean, you won’t find it right away but when you have a mental repositioning, you’ll start seeing things more clearly.

It’s too bad I am surrounded by irony.

I wonder how many people actually take everything in.

3 comments:

J.O. said...

Was it Thoreau who said that The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation?
Well I'll say it, Charlie.

Since you're desirous of doing a change. Realize that is a good thing, as your blog reader and your virtual friend, I dare you get up and do something..; make a plan even if it is fatally hopeless in your eyes...

Oh. And don't forget write us a line sometime on your progress.

Charlie said...

My love...this wasn't a good entry for me. The grammar was ...questionable and I wrote it alone on a beach, while trying not to smoke.

I assure you...it's not that bad. I'm pretty happy.

Do you actually read my blog???

J.O. said...

My love to you too.
Yes, I've read this blog from time to time.