Friday, December 22, 2006

Hunter


I met a guy (surprise). I think this time he’s a keeper.

His name is Hunter, and after arriving back from Calgary, I take a trip over to Vancouver with my friend Paul. We head out Friday night and I am out on the dance floor minding my own business when I see this guy… He is different, he’s dancing rather EMO, and we stick to each other the whole night without exchanging so much as a glance. I am terribly shy and so is this dude.

“But now it’s come to distances, and both of us must try…your eyes are soft with sorrow, hey that’s no way to say goodbye.”

We say hi to each other late into the night, which leads to us finding a quite place to talk. I quite enjoy him because he’s very nervous and shy. To me, it seems as if he’s very grounded and down to earth. I know my fascination with shy people – my fetish, one might say – is in full effect. The more and more we share this awkwardness the more I want to be with him.

The night at the club we both go our own separate ways. I am with my friends and am showing them around Vancouver. It would look bad if I left them for another guy. So I say goodbye and plan to meet the next night.

Night two: we meet and I must say after seeing him for the second time, I like him even more. After a few drinks, some leg rubbing and a polite kiss we part ways once again…this time with a brief kiss but nothing to sexual and plan to connect again at the end of the night. I know that he doesn’t think I will actually live up to my promise, but I do….and four in the morning we head back to his place to hang out.

His place is very interesting. Before entering he pulls a Charlie and tells me that it isn’t as clean as it should be – it’s something I would say and I smile. As I enter, everything is clean and put away and as I look around I see so many creative ideas. He has some old televisions stacked on top of one another, and the icing on the cake, a manikin that has been dressed up – half the body at least, and it’s standing, commanding, over the highest television.

The guy is so shy he won’t even look me in the eye. It takes him a right to make eye contact with me and to smile – to laugh – I am overjoyed and so turned on. I love it. I’m drawn to shy people and I find him to be interesting, I want to explore him, I want to be with him, the connection is undeniable and we spend as much time together as possible.

His style is very Hunter, he is unique and beautiful. The next morning, around twelve I guess, my friend phones me and wants to leave Vancouver. I had to peel myself away from Hunter, literally, and I was sad to leave. I wanted to do nothing more then stay in bed with him and find out more and more. I wanted to keep connecting and to keep feeling more and more intense feelings towards him. We both agreed its a good thing we live apart from one another or it may move too fast. I don’t want to rush anything and at the same time I want nothing more then to be with him – only him.

I’m spending New Years with Hunter. He wants me to meet his friends and I want to make sure if he is the one or not. I think he is…I know these things. I knew the first time and I know now. Much like I knew that the umpteenth time quitting smoking was the final time, or how I knew it was over between my ex and I, or how I knew so many other things; I know it and you’ll see it all unfold.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Xmas Party!



"I came by myself to a very crowded place; I was looking for someone who had lines in her face”

I sang Leonard Cohen’s Lady Midnight at my roommates Christmas party the other night. I had a few drinks, and the crowd was pretty much cleared up, the karaoke monitor was out of operation, and I decide to get up and do a number from memory. I’m normally a nervous person; it took me half the night to work up the courage to do it, but as I looked around, belting the tunes, people actually enjoyed it.

One of the managers, who reminded me of one of the Judd’s, ran up to me while I was singing and planted a kiss on my forehead. She tells me I sound just like him and that I was amazing. My confidence is boosted. I start dreaming about my future life as a musician. Looking around at the tables of people, I see them all focused on me. There is no more chatter, everyone is deeply immersed in my singing – and they are actually enjoying it. I had no idea…

“Whatever you give me, I seem to need so much more”.

After the song finishes, I head back to the table of friends, including a bi guy who has been flirting heavily with me all night. He tells me he’s jealous and I blush nervously, and I am complimented by my friends also. All eyes are on me and I’m relishing on my job well done. At this time, the manager who complimented me earlier, approaches me and asks who I was singing…I guess, I didn’t sound that much like him after all.

The bi guy is strange. He arrives with a gay pastry chief, and I only assume that he is an escort. I find out they are friends, as we sit side by side, feasting on rare lamb and Fillet Mignon. The night is amazing. His arm is around me; we are joking, looking into each others eyes, holding our gazes. I’m getting more and more excited about the after party.

All eyes are on us. I guess, we are the two best looking guys are the party. Some of the women are looking us both over – and the gay pastry chief is becoming more and more friendly. He reeks of perfume and I am getting more and more annoyed as he rubs my head and hugs me repeatedly.

The bi guy is sitting one chair away from me and I am starting to get turned on. I keep gazing into his eyes as he keeps talking into my ear, and I can feel his whiskers on me, his breath is on my neck. And, after a few jokes, I find my hand occasionally touching his leg and knee. He doesn’t mind at all.

"Don't try to use me or slyly refuse me, just win me or lose me, it is this that the darkness is for."

It turns out the bi guys enjoys my good friend Camilla also. After a failed attempted to show him where the washroom is, he jumps on a chance to talk to her. I see it all falling apart. I see how the two interact; I see how Camilla and I are in direct competition and I want no part of it. As I approach her, she merely comments “You can’t have it all” and I eagerly give up – I mean, I may see him again – but alcohol, bi men, and friendships do not mix well together.

“So I walk through the morning, sweet early morning, I could hear my lady calling, you’ve won me, and you’ve won me, my lord.

Camilla views me as a fiercely motivated individual. She has mentioned I can be intimidating because a) I am so focused; b) I am talented; and c) I have accomplished a lot in my lifetime. By no means are these my words, but I see how she could perceive me that way. I will not compete against her.

I remember one of the first times we hung out together. We head to the YMCA to work out. Camilla knows how focused I am when I work out so I challenge her to do some circuit training with me. Forty minutes later – and I am shocked – she is still going. I know right then and there, she isn’t going to give up until I do. So we are competing. And, I am drawing from her energy and her determination to prove to me that she can win, that she has enough motivation to pull me down from this pedestal that she has put me on. I beat her that night, so I guess it’s only fair she proves to me tonight that I don’t always win.

The night was amazing. The food was superb and I like the fact I showed up in a really tired and worn out mood, and, at the end of the night had befriended and entertained half the staff. I have a feeling some of them thought of me as upper management. I was assumed to be one of the invisible operaters of the organization. The fact that I was rubbing elbows with the managers didn't help either.

At the end of the night and after having a few drinks we stagger home. My roommate Paul asks me how my night was and I can only reply “I smell like a gay pastry chief”.