Happiness is a warm gun

My friend Leia stayed over with me last night. I picked her up after the gym and she packed her bag and headed to my place for the night. We had dinner, watched a movie, and then shared the same bed. It kind of feels like we are married.

Leia is an interesting girl. She is from Ontario and was a tom boy most of her life; she totally digs guys. She is the kind of girl who heads out with me, crosses her arm most of the night without a smile (unless she’s with me) and the guys proceed to flock all over her. I guess there are a number of reasons 1) she is a challenge; 2) she isn’t the stereotypical Victoria girl; and 3) she’s pretty hot.

I met her at the gay bar one night. I was with a friend of mine and noticed this chick staring at me. She would then turn to her friend and whisper about me. I was completely pissed off and was sure she was picking me apart in some way or another, so I approach her. I remember being upset and asking her why she was staring at me. Like, what’s your problem lady? The only response I get is “you’re hot”…, so now we are friends for life.

Normally I don’t get along with girls. I’m not a feminine guy and I think they find me frustrating. I am not the ideal gay friend that they dream of having. But with Leia it works out perfectly because she’s more like a guy. She is the kind of chick that would go to the lumber store, buy wood, and then build her own shelves (I’ve seen her do it). Leia is the kind of girl that would ask to start up a poker tournament, or talk about the guy she nailed the night before, or sit home drinking beer out of a can. My kind of girl.

She’s basically everything I’d want in a guy. Even her parents have this sneaking suspicion that she may play for the same team. When Leia moved in with her current roommates…one girl is a lesbian from her home town. Her parents congratulated her on the relationship and wish her the best. Leia quickly told them, “Mom, dad, I’m not a Lesbian…” Where they only respond, “Yeah…right Leia”.

Her room, oh God, her room. Let’s just say it’s more masculine then my own home. She has a black comforter, large guy-like shelves, a black lamp, two wall sized posters – one of a girl; and, yeah, what can I say, if I walked into the room I would have been shocked to find out it was a girls place. The icing on the cake is the rainbow blanket she has thrown on top of her bed – I keep telling her it’s a gay blanket but she tells me her mom gave it to her so it’s special. I’m thinking her mom gave it to her because she thinks Leia is a lesbian and she’s trying to support her. It’s a never-ending cycle.

Regardless we had fun. We talk about guys and life and…I don’t know, she reminds me of home and the people I am used to dealing with. Over here it’s different. People are so guarded and it’s harder to have an actual connection. It’s because we are all busy, and selfish, and absorbed, and…we’re just trying to make it and sometimes bringing new people into our lives may cause a distraction.

Right now I am in the middle of a love triangle. I have met a great guy from Nova Scotia. He’s an Iron Man competitor, has the build of a hockey player, is totally new to all of this, and is shy. He is totally non-scene, an architect; intelligent…the list goes on. And then there is Hunter who I have been seeing for a while now. Hunter has a lot of the above qualities (minus the Iron man and hockey player build) and on top of that he is totally unique. He is into the scene though. So the dilemma…what do I do? I think they both like me and I am not sure if I like either.

It’s the sad story of my life. I meet all these incredible people and then my interest waivers. Instead of thinking about them, I get distracted by a hot guy at the gym or someone online. I’m beginning to question whether or not I should ever be in a relationship. I miss Ben though (Iron Man) and Hunter. That just sounds wrong…I need to do something about this and fast.

I think Ben maybe something more long term. I don’t want to say it out loud but last night I missed him. And I want my friends to meet him; I want to include him in my life and get to know him more.

The night I met him I completely brushed him off. He chatted me up and I barely listened, and then cut him off telling him I was heading home with my friends. After I leave the club and head to the pizza place, he shows up again. We talk more, but I wasn’t interested at all. Now…he managed to find me online and we started to hang out. Right away he grows on me. And the more I hang with him the more I am interested in seeing him again and again and again.

It’s funny how attraction works. I would have never expected to have an intimate relationship with him. He totally wasn’t my type but his personality, East Coast masculinity, humor, intelligence, it all caught up to me and now I am left in a state of confusion.

So yeah…love triangle. Fuck.