I drove all night

I have a new ring tone on my cell phone. Now, it is by far the gayest ring tone I have ever had, and I'm so excited to try it out. The song is "I drove all night" by Cyndi Lauper. I have a feeling there are going to be a number of gay/st8 people who are going to be incredibly sickened when they here it, it's going to rock. I imagine myself at a restaurant or coffee shop, and all of a sudden "I drove all night" starts hammering out in my pocket. The looks of disgust will be enough to keep me going for a few days.

I was talking to my sister online the other day. Life isn't what she expected it to be. She has a 2-3 year old child who I only saw once, he was one month old at the time, and I was visiting for Christmas after living in Victoria for a year. Another thing she has is a deadbeat boyfriend, who I think, causes her to take her problems out on others; this is not an uncommon phenomenon.

She noticed that I wrote on my messenger that I was going to Montreal this summer. It was a perfect time for her to attack. Right away, after we get the pleasantries over with, she asks me why I never come home. I explain it's because of cost, location, and well family. All three things are unhealthy for me right now in my life. "You're so selfish," she replies. "You never give me or Logan anything." Selfish and ‘give me’ should never be used in the same sentence.

"Lisa, what can I possibly give a kid that has four bicycles and a collection of toys that are still in boxes?" I'm pissed right now, because this is the way my sister works, guilt; she was never really crafty though.

"Well, you can send him some money..." this equates to send me some money. My sister is on social services right now, and it is because of her own doing. All my life I have tried to help my big sister. We went to secondary school together at the same time, when she didn't have a place to stay, I let her room with me and my two buddies. The year after, we lived alone together. I have blocked out that portion of my life, it was not fun.

I’m sick of talking about money, I’m sick of being reminded as to how materialistic my family was. Every Christmas my father would shower us with thousands of dollars worth of presents. He would readily buy us a new car, a ski-doo, or whatever else he felt he had to give us to make up for the lack of emotional love he was incapable of giving.

A hug from my father would be a very uncomfortable situation. We had a thing about touching in our family, it just felt wrong and weird. My mother is the only other affectionate one, and we get along quite well.

Now, Lisa didn't attempt to finish her schooling, in fact, she had one assignment to finish at the end of her last term, and she refused to do it. She claimed, it didn't matter because it's was a stupid program anyway. Fine Lisa, I give up.

She started dating a loser friend of mine. Now, this guy is an only child, who wants nothing more in life than to drink, have a nice car, and be far more selfish than either myself or my sister. He is the father, and he is not helping her out in anyway. He even borrowed 2,500 dollars from her for his schooling, and refuses to pay her back. This is the man who allowed my sister to go on welfare while they were still together; he had a career and was in her life...

Yesterday, after giving me a guilt trip about not wanting to visit Newfoundland to bicker and fight with my family for 2 weeks, she decides to use her son as the main argument as to why I'm so selfish. It would have had a more lasting impact, if I didn't know that all her life she ratted on me; she bad mouthed me, and only ever looked out for herself. The only thing I'm selfish about is looking out for my mental well-being.

She than asks me to buy her ticket to Florida when my parents head down. I could do nothing but laugh. "A ticket, to Florida?" I reply. Thinking quickly I respond, "Why not ask Ryan for the 2,500 dollars he owes you?” Silence.

I hope I'm not failing to see why this doesn't make sense. I have a problem with people who expect things from others their entire life without trying to better their lives themselves. Call me crazy, but I value drive...and I don't believe in letting people sail through life, totally and utterly reliant on family hand me downs.

Sorry sis, my last words to her, which I may regret, we're "fuck off". This is my complex and strange relationship with my sister who would throw metal objects, claw skin off of my body, and consider me her punching bad when I was younger. I have forgiven that person, but I will not allow her to still be that same person. We are adults now, show some tact and suck it up.

We'll see how it goes...