People...

There are so many of us. One city can house millions of people in various stages of life, with different tastes, jobs, lives, and we have one thing in common, we are all human.

My friend Scott passed away last weekend. He was in his 40's, HIV positive, in excellent shape (he was a gym rat), and was quiet and shy. He would hit on me when I went to the gym but he was too shy to say hi to me. I would gingerly walk by, nod, acknowledge his smiles and hope I didn’t come across as interested. Scott didn't even know I was gay until he saw me at a party with mutual acquaintances.

Scott had a heart attack. Its ok, I knew him but I didn't know him that well. It got me thinking though how many people would miss Scott. Did Scott have a group of friends and family in his life? I have no idea really. I always took him to be a loner. He seemed to always be in his own quiet, little world; this was my impression of Scott.

Will he be missed? I mean one life out of billions that blinks out of existence; in the great scheme of things it doesn't really matter. I knew Scott, Scott's dead; life goes on...It sounds shallow I know. But I look at the vast number of people in this world and I finally realize none of us really matter. That’s not entirely true, we affect the people around us, and hopefully we live really awesome lives but unless we hold a position of power or social influence our life is meaningless to 99 percent of the world’s population. We are but a speck.

Maybe I’m taking the pragmatic approach to it all. I won’t wrap it up in romanticism nor will I give it a more positive disposition, and I want to stress this, you’re life is meaningless. If you are reading this instead of helping third world countries in Africa, or at least thinking about helping them, then I feel sorry for you. If you are reading this instead of trying to climb the ladder of your countries political system, or develop a cure for cancer, or work in the field of AIDS research, or anything worthwhile for that matter…I don’t want to meet you.

In fact, if you sit around all day long and complain about life and expect everything to be handed to you, then you will never be worthy of a life. If you give up easily, or complain about mundane things, such as your steak being medium instead of medium rare, then I am sickened to my stomach in your presence. If you are on welfare, you suck. If you are too stunned to get an education, so be it. If you wake up every morning and rush for your remote control instead of to your window to see how the day is…you should think about what is more important.

Ground yourself friends, be humble, give thanks and thank, you only have one go of it and you may just drop dead of a heart attack, get hit by a bus, or have an aneurysm that could pop at anytime. What are we fucking doing? Sky dive, base dive, fuck strangers, eat unhealthy foods, and have more than one glass of wine a night; take a few vacations even if it breaks you financially. Don’t hoard your money, don’t gossip about your friends, and for fuck sakes smarten up and start looking around…look at things, don’t just walk by thinking about how you need to lose weight, or how you want a condo real bad in the downtown area; just fucking think about life, not the material things.

Please, don’t take it for granted. Don’t be a shy person who is afraid to take risks. Don’t let disease defeat you and always try to look for the good in every situation. Don’t be what I thought Scott was…alone. And the great Plato will tell you “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle”. Fitting isn’t it? In other words, the world has enough assholes, let’s try as hard as we can to rid ourselves of ego, selfishness, and the shallowness we all encounter from the people around us. It’s a hard fight.

I rant when people die. It’s my nature.