My Cousin Jill

My cousin Jill, who is a Jehovah's Witness and has been quoted saying “I loves the bible, it’s my life” - was bit in the face by my aunt’s dog this weekend. I talked to her last night, and she seems fine. Personally, I never did trust that dog.

He always seemed a bit touchy, and even myself – a dog person – couldn’t handle his intensity. He is a husky named Shadow with intense blue eyes - much like my own eyes. Those eyes have actually helped me out a lot when meeting guys, but in the poor dog’s case, it's an argument to help incriminate him. They are not sexy eyes on a dog, but the eyes of a killer.

I talked to her last night; she must be in shock because she isn't too torn up about the incident. She has three bite marks on her face, 15 stitches, and an outlook that is wonderful and grand. She said “don’t worry I’m still beautiful”, giggling away. She had a habit of looking at the bright side of life. I never could relate, I mean hell, I'm an optimistic person, but this is even too much for me. I told her she’s still in shock, this is insane, and my aunt and family must be held accountable. I mean, this is a pretty devastating event, how can she be this positive? That’s Jill though, Mrs. Optimistic, Mrs. Happy…

We had some funny times together when I was a young kid. She was a very excited person, and well, fuck she still is. It was about 2:30 in the morning Newfoundland time and she was still up chatting away last night. She told me that she doesn’t need much sleep, and she’s too energetic. Jill even went to the doctor about it, but he tells her that some people don’t need that much sleep. Maybe God has given her this abundance of energy, who knows.

I can say is it is abnormal if you look at it from my stand point. A thirty year old Jehovah’s Witness, who stays up until 2:30 in the morning chatting online, than only to wake up again at eight bursting with the same amount of energy she has had since even since I could remember. The lord does work in mysterious ways for sure.

I remember her as being the most infuriatingly cheery person I have ever met thus far in my life. My sister and I were very laid back and cynical kids, even as preteens we weren’t that energetic, nor we’re we that happy. We were comparable to the families on the Simpson’s or Arrested Development – where the families would lie around and do nothing, and bitch and moan if they had to get up to switch the television. We would wave our hands for service, and trying our best not to expend too much energy. To be with Jill was quite different than what we were accustomed too. Whether it'd be screaming with joy in Wal-Mart when a lipstick sale was on (God awful colors too); talking a mile a minute about how great life was with God; or some other ridiculous thing. She didn't know when to stop.

Fruit diets, Oprah hair, bible studies, exciting arguments - this was Jill in a nut shell. As kids we would make fun of how happy she was. It wasn't infectious but it was certainly made me happy when I could laugh at her with my friends behind her back. It was one of the few times my sister and other first cousins would have a great laugh – at poor Jill’s expense – piling together to make impressions, role play, or bring up the latest stories that most everyone had not heard. My cousin Nancy had the most fantastic impression, Jesus I need to phone her and ask her about it. I'm grinning just thinking about it. Even after 10 years, it's still fucking hilarious.

I remember once, I was about 9 years old and driving from Grand Falls to Gander, and there was a forest fire. The highway was covered in smoke, and traffic was slowly moving on the trans-Canada highway. There was a lone man on the highway with a handful of puppies. They were black labs and they were crying due to the fact their mother wasn’t around.

My father allowed us to take one – we already had one black lab, so it would be cool to get a friend for Reno. We brought the dog back to Aunt Charity’s and Jill’s home. Charity wasn’t too happy about the situation, but being religious excuses her from being tactful and non-willing. It’s great how easily it was to walk over these guys. Bible thumpers are such push overs.

Jill was very excited to see the dog. Her main mission was to build a doll house like no other to house this nameless pup. She ran around grabbing pieces of cardboard, panties she would cut into curtains, various objects for the living and dining areas. We were excited at first also…a home for the puppy, but as it turns out Jill’s agenda changed. This was now a doll house, and not a home for the black lab. She stayed up until late building this creation and it got to the point where things were going so well, kids could not participate anymore.

It’s not like we wanted to help, to be honest we were kind of tired and bored after an hour of watching our cousin go overboard in her bouts of enthusiasm. I just wanted to watch TV. We left her to her own devices and proceeded to hang out with the rest the family and shutting the door so that we didn't have to see her working on this ridiculous doll house.

As my sister and I flopped around on the couch and watched TV for a couple of hours, a door bursts open with a smiling, reactive, and big haired 13 year old girl just beaming with excitement. Is it normal for a 13 year old girl to build doll houses using panties, crayons, and cardboard? I don’t know. But regardless, it was completed! We would all get to view this stunning creation, including my parents and aunt.

As I went into the room, sized up the house, it was fairly impressive. I mean, there were two stories, windows, walls, different rooms, and lots of colorful curtains and fabrics in pink and flowery patterns – and at the same time I found it unsettling because it was her underwear at some point. We all congratulated her.

My main thought was to wreck the wonderful situation we were experiencing. I mean come on people, it’s a fucking doll house, and do we really give two shits? I get the puppy and bring him over to view the creation. I’m grinning from ear to ear, knowing full well she didn’t want this mutt anywhere near it. I let him go and he proceeds to race toward the house. Tail wagging, and with a speed that could only be compared to my cousins same exuberance. The pup crashes into the doll house, walls tumble, panties fly all over the place, and I hear my cousin Jill screaming in the background. I lose focus, but am only concentrating on the pups enjoyment, and how settled he is in his new home.

Jill started to cry and threw some insults my way, explaining that I was an evil kid and I ruined her creation. She put so much work into this doll house, how could I? I merely looked at her – without changing my emotional state – and asked, wasn’t this for the dog anyway? Her eyes drew together, and she scorned me silently with all the words her religion taught her she couldn’t use, and one phrase popped out of her lips, “You fucker”. She stormed off, being chased by her mother who would not “spare the rod” tonight.

My dad has a look on his face; I think it is sheer concentration. He was trying not to laugh. At the same time he was quite impressed how I could mess up such a trivial situation, I think he was proud of me. You see, we shared the same type of humor. We enjoyed it when happiness could be crushed. Especially when it was of a false, religious nature. He was proud of his boy, and I too went to bed that night with a smile. It was a glorious day indeed, praise be with us all.

We were reminiscing last night about all these funny times we spent together. I haven’t talked to her in four years, and we are just starting to mend the relationship. I thought because of her upbringing, she would be one of the first people to disown me, and condemn me for my actions. But as it turns out, she is one of the most accepting and beautiful people…

I really shouldn’t have dismissed so many people after I came out. I mean, I had no idea what type of reaction she would have, and once again I was wrong. It just goes to show, you never know who's going to be on your side, when your life changes in a dramatic and harsh way. I spent many night hating these people before I even gave them the chance to hate me. It's not the right away to go about living life, if I am claiming to be well adjusted and put together...one more thing to work on Charlie.

I’m happy that the bonds I had as a Newfoundlander are emerging again. She would always ask me:

"So, Charlie do you have a girlfriend yet? You need a girlfriend", wish a greasy grin on her face. I would always suspect she knew and she was ridiculing me. It wasn't the case, I mean she was oblivious, but for me that was my defense mechanism.

I would reply, "No Jill, I don't have a girlfriend, I like variety...I don't want the same chick every night", with a look of defiance and mistrust. She would carefully weight the situation, and dismiss my words only to say, "Well, everyone needs a girlfriend, they'll think you’re weird if you don't have one".

Now, after coming out, she's starting to ask me the same question again, "Charlie, do you have a boyfriend yet?", hehe, now I can take it with a grain of salt, it's not about outing me anymore, or paranoia. I happily respond, "No, most men are pigs", and she agrees.

I need my family more than ever.