All the trees will clap their hands

If I am alive this time next year,
will I have arrived in time to share?
And mine is about as good this far.
And I'm still applied to what you are.
And I am joining all my thoughts to you.
And I'm preparing every part for you.

And I heard from the trees a great parade.
And I heard from the hills a band was made.
And will I be invited to the sound?
And will I be a part of what you've made?
And I am throwing all my thoughts away.
And I'm destroying every bet I've made.
And I am joining all my thoughts to you.
And I'm preparing every part for you

Guilt...

How do we live with our guilt? Our knowing that we have did something wrong. Our knowing that if we sin, we cannot just shred the mistake. It has to hold us, consume us until we resolve it in someway. I am guilty about my last entry. I am guilty of contributing to a sin, that when I think about it, is wrong. I am guilty of lust. I have allowed another person to commit an act that is considered a sin. Now, it's eating me up inside.

Healthy, useful guilt is the feeling we have when we do something we rationally judge to be morally wrong or unfair. Just having the thought or urge to do something bad can cause guilt. That's good if it keeps us from doing something inconsiderate. Healthy guilt is our reasonable, fair conscience. But there is unhealthy guilt too. That is when we establish unreasonable standards for ourselves, i.e. we expect perfection, we want to accomplish the impossible, we feel responsible for misfortunes in other people's lives, we believe we are "good" only if we faithfully follow all the rules and do more than our duty. The unhealthy guilt does not allow for mistakes; we expect too much from ourselves and others.

Both guilt and social pressure are vitally important: they are of help in controlling "the beast within"--our greed, anger, and lust. They also help us fulfill our responsibilities--our work, studies, care and concern for others, taxes, show of love, etc. Our guilty conscience is vital in helping us be good. On the negative side, a guilty conscience can change our social lives, dampen our enjoyment of life, cause fears and worries, and create a heavy load to carry emotionally.

These people...these people, like the man two nights ago, has little to no remorse. We talked the next night, and he said he was no longer guilty, and at the same time was searching for another. I'm thinking this is wrong! It scares me to think that so many people live this double life. One of my problems right now, is that experiences like this are jading me. I know, I put myself in these sitations...but the world around me, or the world I am getting to know through others, is a vial, greedy, and lustful one. I think I need better avenues! One more reason why I should completely seperate myself from this scene. It's dark and distrubing...