To be or not to be...

Existence.

Plain, boring, utterances, nuisances, predictability, zeal, accomplishment, to strive for nothing and everything...

I am grateful to exist, you know. There is something to be said about someone who can take a serious look at their life and be satisfied; to know that the decisions made, we're in fact the right ones. I'm not saying my life is perfect, but given the environment I grew up in, the choices I've made, the genetics I have had to deal with, it's pretty damned good.

I have a date on Friday. I haven't met this guy yet but we have been talking online, I have seen pictures of him, and have seen him on his cam, and heard his voice over the phone. He seems nice. I mean he seems like someone I would be attracted too and enjoy spending time with. I don't know. I'm such a critical person; both critical of myself and of the people I meet. I fear that because I have shaved my head, he may not find me as attractive. Or, I may not lead into a facainating conversation on our date and it could become dull fast. I may not tell enough jokes, or smile. I hardly ever get nervous, nor do I have issues with comfort zones, but blind dates always make me nervous.

I have a presentation tomorrow, highlighting how to present. I’m going to be judged and critiqued and I have to find a way to make it creative. First, I have to find out what I’m presenting about…it can be anything I think, and not necessarily related to technological knowledge. The presentation itself will not make me nervous, it will be the content, and finding out how to really interest people and use the skills I have learnt previous.