Saturday night…
I end up at this character house – three floors tall – after hitting the majority of the club scene in Victoria. My friend Jay is with me, and we are a bit fucked.
The house has a DJ table set up, and the DJ tonight, is a handsome, dark haired man. He’s spinning the most amazing yet mellow tracks. Some of it is full of a lot of base and others are just on the brink of being great.
I’m high and I’m looking around only to notice some familiar faces who are apart of the nightlife here in Victoria. There is a gay couple making out on the couch while we are dancing in the main living area. Their energies are mix. The more handsome, dark featured gay boy is closed. I’m guessing it’s because he has been hit on one to many times. And, his partner is looking around, trying to gain the attentions of others in the room.
At one point he waves at me, singling me to come over and chat, but really I have no desire to help boast his ego, or join in some sort of one night partnership. I keep dancing and notice the people around me. I should have approached them.
The deck off of the main living area is massive. Plants are all around, and we are surrounded by trees. The night sky is now turning towards dawn, and I noticed the people around me. Some are guys who are still up at 5 in the morning; they are sizing up females, and also catch my eye only to give me subtle gestures, letting me know that they play both sides of the field.
I’m not sure if I want to be an experiment. I’m not sure what I want at this point, and I can feel myself becoming more and more introverted. This isn’t what I want.
One of the patrons is a lifeguard at the Y. I remember having a few conversations with her in the past, and on this night she is giving me her history, letting me know far too much in such a short period of time. After hearing about her ‘accident’, falling from a balcony and breaking her neck, than having less hours at the Y because of her disability, and how her brother… I lose track and go further into myself.
Looking around I see people on different highs and levels throughout the night. One bi man who is looking around decides to come over and sit next to me. I think he is high on cocaine, and he starts rambling about nothing. I forget what was said, but I only remember having to get up and approach someone more mellow and less stoned.
She was on the couch with prescription sunglasses. They are tailored and resemble ray bans. We talk for a while, and I decide she is an interesting chick. We lie outside on the deck, with a comforter over us, and just talk about nothing.
It’s all about nothing. I had the most superficial, meaningless conversations this night, only to be left wondering what’s important in life. I know this isn’t. This is the dark side of oblivion. I don't mind the scene so much as the way I am when I'm in this environment. I go home upset that I'm not chatty, and I'm basically a walking zombie. I need to do these things sober, otherwise I crumble, I change into the complete opposite of me, and that isn't acceptable.
Jay and I leave when the sun hits. The sky is clouded over, but we are thinking it’s about six in the morning. I like him, and I don’t like him. I think we share a lot of silence between us, and I’m not sure if I can relate to him. His energy is so different than mind, and I feel certain things emanating from him. He watches, and unfortunately for me, I think he is judging whether or not I am good enough for a relationship with him. I on the other hand know that it won’t happened, it was decided a year ago when we first slept together…he just doesn’t know it yet.
We get back to my place and both shower – with Jay taking the lead. As I get out of the shower, feeling groggy, dizzy, and inconsequential, Jay is lying on my couch in just a towel, turning red from embarrassment. I move over to the couch, and than lay on top of him, thinking this is what I want, minus of course the issue in the back of my head - there is a reason I'm not into him. Regardless, I go for it, and I imagine he is the one. I imagine we have a relationship and that I know him on a much more deeper level.
He is a great kisser, and has a great body. The downside of it all, the entire package is lacking.
We spend the reminder of the day together – until noon or so. Kissing, touching, sometimes talking, but not having sex. I touch every part of his body as we law sprawled out on my bed, with white sheets in under us, and a soft atmosphere me room provides.
The one thing E does is allow me to completely scan a person’s body, and pick up on energy deficiencies. I feel more in tune, and I complete this private act, but he wonders what I am doing…he picks up on it. I decide to tell him – fearing I will be judged – but in the case of Jay and I, it really doesn’t matter.
I find he has shoulder problems. One of his rotator cuffs will cause him lot of trouble in the future. It’s already happening, but I keep it optimistic by saying it wouldn’t occur until your 40’s. Or, what I was really thinking: You need to stop serving; it will destroy your body.
He has a mummer in his heart, bad knees, and a great deal of pain in his lower back. The poor guy is 30 – and mind you, he looks good for his age – but his body is already falling apart on him. After scanning him, I start to slide the negative energy away from him; I start with his hands, and slide the energy all the way down to his waste, not ideal but sufficient…I really should be standing over him and following all the way to his feet.
The more time I spend with him, the more I can feel that he is no longer interested. And, I don’t care. I mean, it would be nice to cuddle him all day while fighting this hangover, but I really don’t see the point. We have both now made up our mind, and hopefully the best we can do is hold on to a friendship; there will be no long term relationships after this seedy encounter.
I'm on this spirial. Sometimes, everything is calm, beautiful, and I can be me. I can head out, enjoy my confidence, and make impressions. Othertimes, I sink into myself, and I'm clawing to bring me out again. It doesn't bother me so much anymore, it's just a sign that something is amiss. We live our entire lives dealing with and helping other people, but in retrospect I really should have been working on myself.
I'm going to take myself out of it all for a while. I need to find me again. He's in there, screaming sometimes, but I need him back. The spirial is slowing down, and I'm wondering where I am in the chaos.
I end up at this character house – three floors tall – after hitting the majority of the club scene in Victoria. My friend Jay is with me, and we are a bit fucked.
The house has a DJ table set up, and the DJ tonight, is a handsome, dark haired man. He’s spinning the most amazing yet mellow tracks. Some of it is full of a lot of base and others are just on the brink of being great.
I’m high and I’m looking around only to notice some familiar faces who are apart of the nightlife here in Victoria. There is a gay couple making out on the couch while we are dancing in the main living area. Their energies are mix. The more handsome, dark featured gay boy is closed. I’m guessing it’s because he has been hit on one to many times. And, his partner is looking around, trying to gain the attentions of others in the room.
At one point he waves at me, singling me to come over and chat, but really I have no desire to help boast his ego, or join in some sort of one night partnership. I keep dancing and notice the people around me. I should have approached them.
The deck off of the main living area is massive. Plants are all around, and we are surrounded by trees. The night sky is now turning towards dawn, and I noticed the people around me. Some are guys who are still up at 5 in the morning; they are sizing up females, and also catch my eye only to give me subtle gestures, letting me know that they play both sides of the field.
I’m not sure if I want to be an experiment. I’m not sure what I want at this point, and I can feel myself becoming more and more introverted. This isn’t what I want.
One of the patrons is a lifeguard at the Y. I remember having a few conversations with her in the past, and on this night she is giving me her history, letting me know far too much in such a short period of time. After hearing about her ‘accident’, falling from a balcony and breaking her neck, than having less hours at the Y because of her disability, and how her brother… I lose track and go further into myself.
Looking around I see people on different highs and levels throughout the night. One bi man who is looking around decides to come over and sit next to me. I think he is high on cocaine, and he starts rambling about nothing. I forget what was said, but I only remember having to get up and approach someone more mellow and less stoned.
She was on the couch with prescription sunglasses. They are tailored and resemble ray bans. We talk for a while, and I decide she is an interesting chick. We lie outside on the deck, with a comforter over us, and just talk about nothing.
It’s all about nothing. I had the most superficial, meaningless conversations this night, only to be left wondering what’s important in life. I know this isn’t. This is the dark side of oblivion. I don't mind the scene so much as the way I am when I'm in this environment. I go home upset that I'm not chatty, and I'm basically a walking zombie. I need to do these things sober, otherwise I crumble, I change into the complete opposite of me, and that isn't acceptable.
Jay and I leave when the sun hits. The sky is clouded over, but we are thinking it’s about six in the morning. I like him, and I don’t like him. I think we share a lot of silence between us, and I’m not sure if I can relate to him. His energy is so different than mind, and I feel certain things emanating from him. He watches, and unfortunately for me, I think he is judging whether or not I am good enough for a relationship with him. I on the other hand know that it won’t happened, it was decided a year ago when we first slept together…he just doesn’t know it yet.
We get back to my place and both shower – with Jay taking the lead. As I get out of the shower, feeling groggy, dizzy, and inconsequential, Jay is lying on my couch in just a towel, turning red from embarrassment. I move over to the couch, and than lay on top of him, thinking this is what I want, minus of course the issue in the back of my head - there is a reason I'm not into him. Regardless, I go for it, and I imagine he is the one. I imagine we have a relationship and that I know him on a much more deeper level.
He is a great kisser, and has a great body. The downside of it all, the entire package is lacking.
We spend the reminder of the day together – until noon or so. Kissing, touching, sometimes talking, but not having sex. I touch every part of his body as we law sprawled out on my bed, with white sheets in under us, and a soft atmosphere me room provides.
The one thing E does is allow me to completely scan a person’s body, and pick up on energy deficiencies. I feel more in tune, and I complete this private act, but he wonders what I am doing…he picks up on it. I decide to tell him – fearing I will be judged – but in the case of Jay and I, it really doesn’t matter.
I find he has shoulder problems. One of his rotator cuffs will cause him lot of trouble in the future. It’s already happening, but I keep it optimistic by saying it wouldn’t occur until your 40’s. Or, what I was really thinking: You need to stop serving; it will destroy your body.
He has a mummer in his heart, bad knees, and a great deal of pain in his lower back. The poor guy is 30 – and mind you, he looks good for his age – but his body is already falling apart on him. After scanning him, I start to slide the negative energy away from him; I start with his hands, and slide the energy all the way down to his waste, not ideal but sufficient…I really should be standing over him and following all the way to his feet.
The more time I spend with him, the more I can feel that he is no longer interested. And, I don’t care. I mean, it would be nice to cuddle him all day while fighting this hangover, but I really don’t see the point. We have both now made up our mind, and hopefully the best we can do is hold on to a friendship; there will be no long term relationships after this seedy encounter.
I'm on this spirial. Sometimes, everything is calm, beautiful, and I can be me. I can head out, enjoy my confidence, and make impressions. Othertimes, I sink into myself, and I'm clawing to bring me out again. It doesn't bother me so much anymore, it's just a sign that something is amiss. We live our entire lives dealing with and helping other people, but in retrospect I really should have been working on myself.
I'm going to take myself out of it all for a while. I need to find me again. He's in there, screaming sometimes, but I need him back. The spirial is slowing down, and I'm wondering where I am in the chaos.
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