Saturday morning....

I'm back from the club and it's 4:17 am, hehe, and I'm a little bit stoned :). Tonight I have learnt very interesting things about some of the people I have know for a while. I went to an after party with known peoples and hung . I enjoyed watching this new dynamic, with a group of known friends - who's lives become so much more real as I get to know each of them - being the outside acquaintance of course. I'm probably exaggerating the current effect I'm trying to relay to you, but I assure you, marijuana makes the experience seem much more interesting. I learn one guy, who I always felt was conservative is now a pot smoking, interesting guy! Another friend Michael who is a musical genius, has now become a very funny guy - comedian one might say. And the rest just validate many of the assumptions that I may have inadvertently came up with or learned over time.

Ok so topics of conversation.

One, the noticed use of my grammar is tending to be much more conservative than I would have expected. And, I understand why: the reason being, I'm thinking about looking at this in the morning and am worried about comprehension.

Secondly, someone I have known for quite some time now; I don't know he seems like there are some internal struggles occurring in his head, and I think I am not helping matters be being a lustful man who he finds attractive...from what I have gathered, the situation he is in is maybe "borderline fucked up in some way", it's just something I'm feeling (and picking from the conversations I heard tonight). I also caught a few glances from him, but I'm trying not to return them. There is a connection, but we know it won't be happening anytime soon, and I find it's a strong connection. I am fine with it, get beyond the sexual tension and just try to be friendly without jumping in the sack.

Next topic, another friend who I can honestly say has series mental issues kept rubbing everyone's head ALL night long hehe. I gave him notice about my reactions sometimes negatively, in total probably close to 20 times. I quote "please don't rub my head", or "don't rub my head it bothers me", and other nifty things that came to mind without screaming at him. The other guest were equally as pissed off or worried about this guy. You have to understand that there are some mental implications I see as a result of his behavior. I have heard that may have have an obsessive compulsive disorder, which I am seriously considering is the case right now.

I am beginning to think that some coupled relationships are quite fucked, I am now glad my one year stint was with someone at least moderately adjusted and normal...Although it wasn't that normal or adjusted, but hell he didn't embarrass me, or stalk me, or just be a really dumb person overall. Anyway, this could be a much longer story, lol, most of it praising him but at the same time pointing out some serious shortcomings also.

Note: The universe is diverting marijuana offers my way lately. Maybe to expand this guys mind more :), so the question is...should I continue smoking it, and start developing a novel? Because it seems like I enjoy typing, LOL.

This may make me seem psychotic...However tomorrow I will look at this page and think WTF, I expect it to be deleted, lol? Looking back over the entry I am describing some situations where I am being judgmental and I shouldn't be, I apologize, but I am merely pointing out the different types of people I encounter. If you take it another way, please send me a note, and I will definitely remove this entry.

Life if very interesting at this point in this existence we all share commonly. I am constantly being amused as to how someone's energy or train of though - how a change in my general demeanor dictates how others react to me. For instance, turning off the relationship radar that was operational for a while - turning it off, starting brining in all these offers, people are now more attracted to me - I find it all very strange. I will go with it though, I met some great people lately, now it's going to get confusing. Turning off the radar also turned away some of my fears of being friendly and approachable. Although I can see tonight it's a bad thing because I'm sending out too many "friendly singles which are interpreted as sex offers" in the gay community. I'll figure it out at some point in my life!

PS A man who I think I am connected to in this world of souls...I don't think he's satisfied with his life. :(. I'll never forget him for as long as I live, I think he maybe getting abused, I don't know, or he is insecure, unhappy, ok ok, he's a fucking enigma. I don't know how to describe him but I do feel the insurmountable amount of energy (sexual?) and tension being passed between us. He knows too.

you're made of my rib, oh baby
you're made of my sin
and I can't tell where your lust ends and where your love begins
I didn't want to hurt you baby
I didn't want to hurt you
I didn't want to hurt you but you're pretty when you cry
and the moon gives me permission and I enter through her eyes
she's losing her virginity and all her will to compromise
I didn't want to hurt you baby

if you knew how much I love you, you would run away
but when I treat you bad it always makes you want to stay
I didn't want to hurt you baby
I didn't want to hurt you baby
how can you do this to me now?

Pretty When You Cry - The Vast

Weird, awesome song, but the lyrics sound fucked when I actually look up what he is saying LOL (his voice is muffled)

As you can see -- I am Stoned