Didn't it rain

So it is. Just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me, most of the time. And, so it is. The shorter story. No love, no glory. No hero in her sky. I can't take my eyes off of you.

My sister is a very complex person. One minute she's happy and content in life, and the next instant she's clawing her way up a mountainous pathway and gaining little. When we were younger we were best friends. We lived in a small town, and we had a great disconnect from our neighbors for a number of reasons. One being we were better off financially. Another, we weren't outgoing children. And, the third and most important reason: we actually liked each other. She was older and bigger, and settled into the role of protector when I was a small kid.

Later, when we approached the teenage years of life, we were now competing against each other in the same school. We had different friends who sometimes overlapped, different perspectives, drives, and insights. I was the confident kid, and at this point because schooling was more difficult for her, because of self-image issues, and a lack of general charm...she resented me. One on one, in social situations we were best friends. We'd share laughs, sometimes even hang out in the same group, but it was fleeting. When we were home I would repeatedly see my sister trying to gain the affection of my parents by making me out to be the "asshole".

"Mom, Dad, all Charlie does is smoke drugs; I think he has a drug problem". She would say this with a tone of love and concern, while eying me menacingly and with pure malice in mind. They would look at me - I think I was 12 at the time - and I would just laugh. "Well Lisa, if I were a drug addict, why were you smoking marijuana with me last night?” Her eyes would widen, she would burst into tears, and call me a bastard. Storming off to her room was a normal response to her attacks. I on the other hand would than challenge my parents. "It's not as if either of you grew up in a Christian background", they didn't have the record to back up punishing me. They're stratedy was learn from you mistakes.

She always wanted to tell on me. Every thing I did was under the watch of her and her friends. Whether it'd be burning some rubber using dad's car at school, or doing something unsavory on the weekends for kicks. It was always a treat to see what her next character assassination would be. Yet, I remember so many times when I caught her say breaking into my parent’s house to have a party, or cheating on her boyfriends, doing LSD, and the list goes on. We weren't that different, but than again I had my parent’s favoritism, she did not.

After university she left for Alberta with her boyfriend who was four years younger, yet nobody could call her on that or she would take the skin off your back. She had a delicate but ineffective relationship and moved home about a year later. Now, we’re striving to become adults. She doesn’t have any friends left, so I invite her to hang with us. Things go well, and I comment on how well we are getting along, it’s really working out. And my best friend seemed to have taken to her also.

I have to explain something. The minute my sister has life issues, she tend to get angry and project. Once again, now in our twenties the endless loop repeats itself. “Mom, Dad, its Charlie, I really think he has a drug problem.” And, I respond the same way. Why can't she figure out that I could just as easy out her also?

Such a ridiculous way to make a point really. A ridiculous way to gain approval. Regardless, I did smoke marijuana, she did also. I am a university graduate with a great job and I am living in the best place in Canada. I don’t think marijuana prevented me from getting here.

She’s struggling right now in her life. She had a child with my best friend, when I went away to school. He’s a bum, she’s on social services, and her life is pretty messed up. I’m taking the hand off approach. “Lisa, I’ve tried all my life to help you, give you advice, and you never listened to me!”, and when I say this my tone is very unforgiving. I have learnt you can’t help people who refused to help themselves. She is a prime example. I feel bad, I want to fix her problems, but I can’t. I should phone her this weekend though, it’s been months.

It’s amazing when I look back how diverse our lives become. How different from the little kid with the overprotective sister has become.

Song: Ohia - Didn't It Rain

no matter how dark the storm gets overhead
they say someone's watching from the calm at the edge
what about us when we're down here in it
we gotta watch our own backs